A Study Of Narcissism

Blogging is something I've done on and off for over four years now. It's something that I'm passionate about.

However, if you've followed my blog at all (or even clicked on the archive link in the sidebar) you'll notice that I blog in cycles.

I've always been a bit hesitant to reveal my feelings on the internet, because once it's there it stays forever, but I think I've reached a point in my life where I should be honest with myself: I'm incredibly unhappy...when I shouldn't be.

Now, this isn't a cry for attention or a call for pity, but instead a place where I make a promise to myself (with you as my witness) to actually take steps to make myself happier. I've posted goals here before and I haven't really followed through with them, because I haven't addresses the root of my unhappiness: low self worth, anxiety and depression.

When I first started to blog it was to galvanize myself to do something (however small that "something" may be) and to have some sort of documentation that I *was* doing something productive.

The more I posted and the more I got into writing and creating blog posts...the more concerned I became with how narcissistic I would appear. How I would open myself up to people who would criticize me for my writing, my looks, my style. Instead of developing myself, I became afraid of people and what they would think of me. I was embarrassed to take outfit photos outside or stand up just to get the right angle on a food shot. I felt like I was drawing an excessive amount of negative attention to myself. Even though people always say "Who cares what other people think?" I find it hard to live by that, but it's never to late to start. 

Who cares what other people think? I'm going to make myself happy.